You've Got a Mission

Bad news folks.

Though you've all done an absolutely fabulous job clicking through to Joeprah for me, I am falling behind. Not by much, but by enough to help me conceive the most brilliant idea I think I've ever had.

You see, my seriously fly and talented friend, Maria @ Immortal Matriarch, was invited by the BlogHer people to come and speak on a panel this July at their annual conference in San Fransisco.

She posted about it and asked for a little financial help to get there.

I've never responded before to people asking for financial help on their blogs...I quite despise the donation buttons, actually.

But for Maria, I didn't even leave a comment until I had emptied my entire PayPal account. Unfortunately, Baby Daddy had just tapped it to buy a computer game so my donation was only twelve bucks. But still, I'd have given her a grand if it was there.

I've also promised to give her each and every dollar I earn in that account from now until she's on that goddamn airplane.

This girl has got to make it to BlogHer.

Maria needs to be there to represent the newschool of women/mom bloggers. She needs to be there to represent women like me who say what they want on their blogs. Women with a voice and who aren't afraid to use it.

She's raw.

She's goddamn smart.

She's cool.

She puts everything out there without a vanilla icing coating.

She would be okay with me making out with my other's boyfriend's blog.

She'd be my best friend, if not for the thousands of miles between us.

She's my hero and I'm absolutely over the moon that BlogHer asked her to speak. If it weren't for my own financial burden, I'd be booking my flight and hotel the moment Maria was a confirmed speaker.

Like me, I'm sure folks have donated money already. However, after reviewing her comments tonight, I saw dozens of readers who would like to do something, but cannot donate cash.

So my loves, here is your chance.

The contest over at Joeprah.com has a prize and that prize is cash. I had no plans for that cash and it was unimportant - I just wanted to win out of sheer competitiveness. Until now.

If I win, I will (at the very least) match what Joeprah sends me and donate it to Maria's BlogHer fund.

And yes, that was a double dog dare to Joeprah to up the prize.

How's that for healthy competition AND a good cause, huh?

So now, you can all send Maria cash just by clicking the Joeprah button on my page...one, five, seven hundred times.

Send Maria to BlogHer.

Please remember that if you're able to hook her up financially, please visit her site and donate via PayPal.

Oh and if you are really rich - Travie are you reading this?? - hook me up too, so I can meet my girl.

Thank you.

Just Beachy, Thanks!

My mom used to be a beach babe.

She booked two weeks every summer in Birch Bay, Washington and my brother and I (plus our respective invited friends) would spend the days barefoot doing Lord knows what. As I got older, my girlfriends and I definitely spent much of our time in bikinis ignoring/stalking the cute American boys who were also vacationing.

Rarely did we spend any time inside the cabin and even our nights were spent on the beach, in front of a bonfire.

When we weren't in Birch Bay, we were at the beach - at least three times a week. My mom would ask us to put lotion on her back, then my brother and I were off. Swimming, hunting, poking dead things with sticks and digging holes to China. Rarely was it ever mom who was ready to go home first. That's how beach babe-ish she was.

During my high school years, she went back to work full time and became a lot less beachy. She worked and worked and that's about it.

So naturally, I took over the roll of beach babe in our family.

Middle school summers were spent in the backyard, on a lounger, a bottle of water at my side and trashy novel in hand.

In high school, our mom took us to Hawaii for the first time, then a second time. We spent each of those fourteen day trips on the beach, in the water or beside our rooftop pool overlooking the ocean. My mom was beachy again and I loved it. We bonded over Hawaiian Tropic lotions and after-sun treatments.

After graduation, I started frequenting Mexico. The drinking age there is eighteen and my friends and I took full advantage of it.

Days would usually start with Corona, then rum and tequila by the pool, a nooner and nap with the (steady) boyfriend, then a bucket of Corona ordered to our rooms while we got dolled up for the clubs...all which offered blond tourists two for one of anything. Those Mexicans want the ladies dancing on tabletops and boy, am I ever glad those pictures are nowhere to be found.

For those of you who know nothing about Vancouver, get learned! We're surrounded by ocean here. Unfortunately, the beaches are pretty crappy - at least compared to the ones I've traveled to in the past, but they're alright if all you're looking for is a sandy place to park your bottom. Personally, I wouldn't swim in our ocean, but that's just me.

However, tucked into the mountains in my neigbourhood, are little gems in the form of lakes. These lakes are quite beachy and though the water is glacier run-off, they get really warm by midsummer.

Every kid from every surrounding high school flock to these lake beaches as soon as the sun comes out. We think those beaches are our little secret and the locals can tell who comes from other cities. It's the most bizarre thing that we are so possessive and think we own that shit.

Thing is, we do. But anyway.

After one summer of doing it up proper on the sandy shores of one beach, my girlfriends and I discovered the "docks".

The docks were clean, you didn't have to deal with sand in your bum or a slick of suntan oil in the water. It was our quiet little haven. We found a gem within a gem.

We literally spent every single sunny day on those docks for two summers straight. Work obviously had to be performed somewhere in there, but I guess I've blocked it out.

After a day in the sun, we'd head home, shower, nap, catch up with our boyfriends and then all of us guys and girls would head BACK to the docks at night to drink, smoke pot and skinny dip...not a lethal combination or anything like that.

Nightly partying was eventually interrupted when the cops started sending in tow trucks to take our cars away, leaving us in the middle of nowhere, in the middle of the night. Walking home took a good three hours and we were greeted with lovely tow and park bills the next morning.

So we started trespassing into public outdoor pools. What IS it with girls that makes us want to peel off our clothes and swim in the middle of a hot summer night, I wonder?

And why would our boyfriends literally knock over and walk on metal fences to make this happen for us? Hmmmm...weird.

Anyway, today I sat under the sun with my family. I closed my eyes, drank it in and let it soak into my skin and soul. I was revived and finally felt like myself again for the first time since last summer - like a bear coming out of hibernation or something.

All of these memories came flooding back at the same time as I kissed my girls' lily white skin, slathered them all over with SPF 50 and pulled their sun hats down over their faces a bit more.

I don't mind if they take after their mama and become beach babes (yes, I do - twin girl beach babes are SO. NOT. ALLOWED.) but damn straight I'm going to be filling their sunscreen bottles in the middle of the night with the strongest SPF/UBV protection I can find.

And no Mexcio.

Or pools.

Or going out at all, actually.

Enough About You, Lets Talk About Your Blog

I'm posting here today

Come on over!